Long List Growing

We all keep lists. To-do lists. Shopping lists. Lists that help us organize the other lists.

One of my lists is already long, and, apparently, it’s still growing.

It’s the list of stuff I don’t have. Specifically: new technologies.

Not a boo-hoo, poor me listing. Instead, what passes for a technology challenged list.

As some know, I am one of the few two-legged creatures on the face of the planet without a cell phone.

I have nothing against cell phones. And I can afford to own one and pay the monthly bill. Promptly.

Just don’t see the need for one. (OK, every now and again, there IS a need. But for me, rarely.)

Also on my Tech-Absent list is a computer at home. The one I use at work is dramatically overworked. Some would claim exploitation bordering on oppression and digital exhaustion.

Nor do I have an internet connection at home. Why would I? I have nothing with which to connect to the World Wide Whatdoyacallit.

GPS? Nope. But I do have printed maps, most of them old. And I know how to fold them back up. Correctly

Credit cards? One. I’m sure the credit bureaus – which have the longest and sharpest memories ever imagined – show that I have more than one. But, in fact, they were cut up long, long ago.

Once upon a time, I was technologically advanced. Why, I owned a very, very expensive VCR as early as 1976. Beta, to be sure. Which, according to the marketing gurus, placed me in the “Innovators” or “Early Adopters” consumer category.

Recently, on a trip south, I encountered something that may turn around my technological Neanderthalism.

While on one of the nation’s interstate highways, just outside the nation’s capital, a large sign appeared instructing drivers that E-ZPass was required. Required.

You guessed it. I also do not have E-ZPass.

How could this be, I wondered. How can the highway insist that I have E-ZPass in order to travel on it? A toll, sure. And I can pay cash. But requiring the device? Seems un-American.

All was resolved, though, once I understood that just outside the nation’s capital, there were express lanes for those with the device and, for the peasants, no-toll lanes.