Who Won? Who Cares?: Accumulating, Decorating & Collecting, Part 11

I don’t like sports. At all. Awful, I know, but true.

Chasing a small white ball across the lawn while wearing go-to-hell pants (as Tom Wolfe would say) strikes me as odd. Which is not to say that we Collectors are sartorial models.

I’m the kid who cloths-pinned the Mickey Mantle rookie card to my bike’s front wheel fork so it would make that cool noise. Roger Maris, too. I am not making this up.

Don’t watch sports on TV, or listen to them on radio; I don’t go to see the games and am not interested in who won or who lost (or why).

Confession is good for the soul, right?

Should I inadvertently stumble on sports, I have the fastest fingers on the face of the planet: I can punch the remote control or radio buttons with precision beyond that of any sharpshooter. (Uh oh. Sports!)

I can’t figure out why an entire section of the local newspaper is devoted to sports. Especially since there’s virtually no advertising present.

Isn’t that what newspapers do: deliver eyeballs to advertisers?

And what’s wrong with reporting on business and economic news? That gets one page, on a good day. Not important? Missing the drama?

Reflecting on the above, I guess it’s not that I don’t like Sports, I’m simply not interested in them.

They’re perplexing. For example: for an activity where winning and losing is – we’re these days told – so unessential and unimportant, a fair amount of time and space is devoted to precisely that.

I like the column that runs down the left side of the sports section’s front page, though. Typically, it’s filled with wise-guy (it’s almost always guys), smart-alecky, whimsical, ironic or sarcastic (hard to say, sometimes) quips on the foibles of one sports figure or another.

That probably says more about me than it does the paper’s contents.

“Ah, yuh,” as they used to say on “The West Wing.”

But, I’ll tell you what (I’ve been waiting years to work that expression into a text), while I don’t like sports, I do like Christine Brennan. It’s true. There, now everyone knows.

She’s USA TODAY’s sport columnist.

I don’t know Christine Brennan. But the local paper now runs her sports column each week. And the column IS about sports. But, more often than not, “sports” is the launching pad for a broader discussion.

And even the sports-challenged, the sports-apathetic, the sports agnostics, and the sports atheists (me, for instance) find we’re educated and informed, instructed and entertained, all while learning an itsy bit about sports.

The antiques, craft, and collecting communities could use a Brennan-like column(ist).

Super what? When?

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