Wallet? What Wallet?

How much money is in your pocket? Right now. How much are you carrying this instant?

No, this is not that annoying ad for retirement planning with Professor Vinny Boombatz.

And by “money,” I mean cash. Real dollar bills and coins.

Not credit cards or debit cards. Certainly not ATM cards. And not your checkbook, either.

We’re also not counting your PayPal or ApplePay access.

Just cash money, as the expression was said.

My guess, if you’re like so many people, is you have very little cash on hand. Daily, one can observe customers making purchases of 50-cent apples (the fruit) with their plastic card.

At a certain point is time, this was viewed as weird. Or at least unusual.

Bill and Melinda Gates (doubtless, among many others) predict a cashless society within the next 15 years. People, they predict, will store money and make payments with their telephones.

About ten years ago, a job candidate with whom I was dining and interviewing was incredulous when I mentioned I would be paying the bill with money.

“Cash!?” he exclaimed.

And, speaking of dining, I was once denied cash payment at a restaurant. Remember, restaurants are the places that are notorious for money laundering. (And for going out of business. Rapidly.)

The restaurant declined to take my cash. They demanded a credit card.


The ripple effect of such a financial revolution is many and wide.

While cows, alligators and the increasingly endangered Naugas will doubtless be saved (and thankful), at the same time entire industries will be sent into a tailspin, to mix metaphors.

Think: accessories.

On the other hand, the good news is that back pockets will be spared further abuse and wear, men’s pants will fit more comfortably and smoothly and purses will be substantially lightened.

(Tell the truth: couldn’t we resolve the national debt simply by dumping out all the change found in women’s purses?)

The answer, then, to Jennifer and Samuel’s insistent question is two other questions. Wallet? What wallet.

And, in a few more years: “What’s a wallet?”

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