Raising and Educating a Deaf Child

International experts answer your questions about the choices, controversies, and decisions faced by the parents and educators of deaf and hard-of-hearing children.

Question from O.F, New Zealand

Our daughter is 11 years old and has been educated in a mainstream setting since the age of 6years. Her first language is New Zealand Sign Language (NZSL) although she prefers to use spoken English with some people. Her peers have developed NZSL to conversational level over the years that they have been in the same class.

We are a bicultural/bilingual family with 2 of us hearing (fluent in NZSL) and 2 Deaf. We put a lot of effort into maintaining links to the Deaf community and attend events at Deaf club, however this is not enough. Our daughter has been struggling for the past year particularly in the area of friendships. She prefers to play games that are predictable and physical (i.e., swinging on the bars, and her ‘friends’ have moved on and prefer to sit on the bank and talk! it breaks my when she comes home in tears asking why isn’t there more Deaf children at school and why do the girls just want to talk.. How can we develop resilience in our daughter.

Question from O.F, New Zealand. Posted September 26, 2012.
Response from Irene Leigh - Gallaudet University

Yes, being 11 years and preadolescent is tough. Girls are transitioning to a different kind of socialization and talking with each other is really very typical at that age. You say that your daughter prefers to play games that are predictable and physical. If there are organized sports activities that you could enroll her in, that might be helpful. Another possibility is to invite one girl at a time over regularly to be with your daughter and do different things with her. If she has at least one good friend, this will help a bit in getting her through the tough spots.

If there are deaf girls close in age to your daughter in the deaf community, try to connect your daughter with them. Above all, be there for her, tell her you are proud of her, she is special, and you understand what she is going through. That will help her to develop resilience, knowing you care for her and you are there for her, and the two of you can communicate feelings. Here’s hoping the tough times won’t happen too often…..